Love believes the best...
"[love] believes all things, hopes all things"-Corinthians 13:7
Ok so in the deep and private corridors of your heart there are these two rooms:
The appreciation room- Where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like "honest" and "intelligent" "good worker, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes" These are things you discovered about your husband that have embedded themselves in your memory. Thinking of these things makes you happy and your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. You once spent a lot of time in this room while dating. Thinking about how great he really was. Many people don't visit this room as much as they once did. And that is because there is another room nearby...
The depreciation room- On these walls are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and the disappointment of unmet expectations. This room is lined with the weakness and failures of your husband or wife. The bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions are written in large letters that cover walls from one end to the other. Staying in this room long enough makes you depressed and start expressing things like "My wife is so selfish" or "My husband is such a jerkwadd" or even "I think I married the wrong person". Hateful things are written in this room, where tell-off statements are rehearsed for the next argument (guilty). Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. IT IS WHERE AMMUNITION IS KEPT FOR THE NEXT BIG FIGHT (ya mom) and where bitterness is allowed to spread like a disease. People fall out of love here, divorces are plotted here & violent plans are schemed here.
While things in the depreciation room are true, so are the things in the appreciation room. Everyone has unresolved issues and hurts. This is a sad aspect of being a human being.
Love knows about the depreciation room and does not live in denial that it exists. BUT LOVE CHOOSES NOT TO LIVE THERE!!
Wow this one really hit home with me, and all my buddies going through the same things I'm going through. I spend way too much in the Depreciation room :( Truth be told my husband is wonderful, thoughtful, a good father, & he makes a mean breakfast. I love him and my marriage is worth spending a little more time in the appreciation room lol.
Day 7 Love Dare:
FOR TODAY'S DARE, GET TWO SHEETS OF PAPER. ON THE FIRST ONE, SPEND A FEW MINUTES WRITING OUT POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE THEN DO THE SAME WITH NEGATIVE THINGS ON THE SECOND SHEET. PLACE BOTH SHEETS IN A SECRET PLACE FOR ANOTHER DAY. THERE IS A DIFFERENT PURPOSE AND PLAN FOR EACH. AT SOME POINT DURING THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY, PICK A POSITIVE ATTRIBUTE FROM THE FIRST LIST AND THANK YOUR SPOUSE FOR HAVING THIS CHARACTERISTIC.
I was going to write the list here but out of respect for my husband I wont air his dirty laundry on the internet. But for my one positive thing, I'm going to make it something strange like thank you for buying me feminine products lol. Update when he gets home :)
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Love Dare, Day 6
Love is not irritable...
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city"- Proverbs 16:32
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive.
Irritable actually means " to be near the point of a knife". Funny because sometimes we wanna grab that knife and just give a little scratch with that point to the person irritating us...just kidding :)
There are two main reasons people get irritable: Stress, weighs you down and drains your energy, weakens your health and invites you to be cranky. Selfishness, when your irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart (lol).
Selfishness wears other masks:
These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself.
Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. Something i have a big problem with. Forgiving...
Day 6 Love Dare:
CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN MAKING A LOST OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD A MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOUR LIFE.
Im not really sure what this is asking me to do lol. I know i need to learn to let go and forgive.
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city"- Proverbs 16:32
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive.
Irritable actually means " to be near the point of a knife". Funny because sometimes we wanna grab that knife and just give a little scratch with that point to the person irritating us...just kidding :)
There are two main reasons people get irritable: Stress, weighs you down and drains your energy, weakens your health and invites you to be cranky. Selfishness, when your irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart (lol).
Selfishness wears other masks:
- Lust- result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered :(
- Bitterness- Takes root when you respond in a judgmental way and refuse to work through your anger. A bitter person's unresolved anger leaks out when he is provoked.
- Greed- for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires. These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way.
- Pride- leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself.
Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. Something i have a big problem with. Forgiving...
Day 6 Love Dare:
CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN MAKING A LOST OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD A MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOUR LIFE.
Im not really sure what this is asking me to do lol. I know i need to learn to let go and forgive.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Love Dare, Day 5
Love is not rude...
"he who blesses his friends with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him"- Proverbs 27:14
Honestly i don't even want to do this anymore. I had to make myself. He has forgotten to even read his parts the last two days, even with my reminding him and I'm just angry that it doesn't seem to matter to him as much as it does to me. I know i need to do this for me and not for him, but im not totally there yet. But I'm doing it anyways.
Rude. Funny because once again i feel high and mighty because i honestly am not rude to him, well to his face anyway. Wow how horrible i am, i keep waiting for me to learn my lesson. lol.
Ok so the book says "when a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort." When you have good manners, it expresses to your mate 'I value you enough to exercise some self control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with' (:( )
The example is you rant and rave all around the house yelling and being unpleasant, but as soon as the door bell rings your a different person, answering it with a smile and kindness.
There are two main reasons people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. It goes on to say that if you think your not the rude one, answer these questions:
ASK YOUR SPOUSE TO TELL YOU THREE THINGS THAT CAUSE HIM OR HER TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. YOU MUST DO SO WITHOUT ATTACKING THEM OR JUSTIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR. THIS IS FROM THEIR PROSPECTIVE ONLY.
He isnt home yet, so i will update later on.
UPDATE:
He is so cute lol. So i had him think of the three things while he was at school last night. He comes home with "nothing really bothers me that you do except...". 1. When I do things for him (you know trying to make his life easier by getting things for him and doing things for him, lol i don't get it either) And, 2. When I leave the cabinets & the hallway door open. He hits his head a lot on the cabinets. Ok seems easy enough to correct. I will just be a lazy cabinet door closer...hahahaha.
"he who blesses his friends with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him"- Proverbs 27:14
Honestly i don't even want to do this anymore. I had to make myself. He has forgotten to even read his parts the last two days, even with my reminding him and I'm just angry that it doesn't seem to matter to him as much as it does to me. I know i need to do this for me and not for him, but im not totally there yet. But I'm doing it anyways.
Rude. Funny because once again i feel high and mighty because i honestly am not rude to him, well to his face anyway. Wow how horrible i am, i keep waiting for me to learn my lesson. lol.
Ok so the book says "when a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort." When you have good manners, it expresses to your mate 'I value you enough to exercise some self control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with' (:( )
The example is you rant and rave all around the house yelling and being unpleasant, but as soon as the door bell rings your a different person, answering it with a smile and kindness.
There are two main reasons people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. It goes on to say that if you think your not the rude one, answer these questions:
- How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them? He thinks i am kind and sweet.
- How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem? I am constantly raising his self-esteem by building him up.
- Would your mate say you're a blessing, or that your condescending and embarrassing? Im thinking he would say i am a blessing. sometimes.
- Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated.
- No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and co-workers.
- Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not to do. If in doubt, then ask.
ASK YOUR SPOUSE TO TELL YOU THREE THINGS THAT CAUSE HIM OR HER TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. YOU MUST DO SO WITHOUT ATTACKING THEM OR JUSTIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR. THIS IS FROM THEIR PROSPECTIVE ONLY.
He isnt home yet, so i will update later on.
UPDATE:
He is so cute lol. So i had him think of the three things while he was at school last night. He comes home with "nothing really bothers me that you do except...". 1. When I do things for him (you know trying to make his life easier by getting things for him and doing things for him, lol i don't get it either) And, 2. When I leave the cabinets & the hallway door open. He hits his head a lot on the cabinets. Ok seems easy enough to correct. I will just be a lazy cabinet door closer...hahahaha.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The Love Dare, Day 4
Love is thoughtful...
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If i should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139:17-18
Ohh man this one is going to be hard, lol.
"Love thinks...When you first fell in love...you spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive thinks to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together, You honestly confessed, 'I cant stop thinking about you' "
Aww how sweet, yes it is true and sometimes i still do this. The book says after time all the romance fades and we go through life without thinking much about our mate, we aren't thoughtful...um not true at least not for me. I can think of at least 100 times a day i think about Frank, usually in anger but hey a thought is a thought. Ohh this is the best:
"Lets be honest, men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world..."
"A woman is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of main factors all at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isnt helping...all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are connected to it..."
"Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed woman to complete their men."
Book also goes on to say that men say exactly what they mean and that women speak between the lines. That a man needs to learn how to speak his words more thoughtful and try and undertsand what his wife is saying and a woman needs to learn how to speak her thoughts more clearly because men generally don't know how to put theirs wife's riddles together. It also says that women get angry then don't tell their husbands why, and their husbands are left wondering why they're getting punished for something they didn't even know they did. hahahaha.
Ok i was wondering why i just cant come out with it when I'm talking to him. I always hint at whats wrong or what i want but just cant get it out. I hope i can do this day lol.
Love Dare Day4 Dare:
CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVING NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM
Haha this one will be hard because if i just randomly call him up asking how his day is going he is gonna get mad that I'm taking him away from his work. But here goes...
I so did it! I asked how his day was so far and he said shitty, but he asked how mine was. I said ok. I also asked if there was anything i could do for him and he says all laughing um no...then he goes i know you want something just ask. I'm like i honestly don't want anything and he laughs and says its ok just ask. I'm like dude, I just wanted to see how your day was and to tell you I loved you. He got a good kick out of it, we were both laughing our butts off. I think he was surprised when i let him go saying I would see him when he got home. Ohh man lol.
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If i should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139:17-18
Ohh man this one is going to be hard, lol.
"Love thinks...When you first fell in love...you spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive thinks to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together, You honestly confessed, 'I cant stop thinking about you' "
Aww how sweet, yes it is true and sometimes i still do this. The book says after time all the romance fades and we go through life without thinking much about our mate, we aren't thoughtful...um not true at least not for me. I can think of at least 100 times a day i think about Frank, usually in anger but hey a thought is a thought. Ohh this is the best:
"Lets be honest, men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world..."
"A woman is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of main factors all at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isnt helping...all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are connected to it..."
"Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed woman to complete their men."
Book also goes on to say that men say exactly what they mean and that women speak between the lines. That a man needs to learn how to speak his words more thoughtful and try and undertsand what his wife is saying and a woman needs to learn how to speak her thoughts more clearly because men generally don't know how to put theirs wife's riddles together. It also says that women get angry then don't tell their husbands why, and their husbands are left wondering why they're getting punished for something they didn't even know they did. hahahaha.
Ok i was wondering why i just cant come out with it when I'm talking to him. I always hint at whats wrong or what i want but just cant get it out. I hope i can do this day lol.
Love Dare Day4 Dare:
CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVING NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM
Haha this one will be hard because if i just randomly call him up asking how his day is going he is gonna get mad that I'm taking him away from his work. But here goes...
I so did it! I asked how his day was so far and he said shitty, but he asked how mine was. I said ok. I also asked if there was anything i could do for him and he says all laughing um no...then he goes i know you want something just ask. I'm like i honestly don't want anything and he laughs and says its ok just ask. I'm like dude, I just wanted to see how your day was and to tell you I loved you. He got a good kick out of it, we were both laughing our butts off. I think he was surprised when i let him go saying I would see him when he got home. Ohh man lol.
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Love Dare, Day 3
Love is not selfish...
"Be devoted to one another in brother love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
This is one is usually don't have a problem doing. It is stating, when you do things for others, do them for others, not for fame or some reward, or even bragging rights. Like for instance cleaning the house. I usually do it because i love my husband and he loves a clean house but recently i have been doing it so he will feel bad that i do so much for him. SELFISH!!! I have a problem with this right now.
The book states that selfishness is the opposite of love. That we should do things for others out of love. "When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that is a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that is a sign of selfishness..."
Ask yourself these questions:
WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND MONEY INTO WILL BECOME MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU. IT IS HARD NOT TO CARE FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE INVESTING IN, ALONG WITH RESTRAINING FROM NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUY YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I WAS THINKING OF YOU TODAY
Ok So i know i can do that but if he comes home tomorrow empty handed, i think i will scream. Seriously it will take all i have not to just walk out the door then. Because if he has nothing fr me that means he doesn't think this is serious or he really doesn't think of me during the day.
I was at Walmart so i bought him a fishing lure because he loves fishing and that area always reminds me of him.
"Be devoted to one another in brother love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
This is one is usually don't have a problem doing. It is stating, when you do things for others, do them for others, not for fame or some reward, or even bragging rights. Like for instance cleaning the house. I usually do it because i love my husband and he loves a clean house but recently i have been doing it so he will feel bad that i do so much for him. SELFISH!!! I have a problem with this right now.
The book states that selfishness is the opposite of love. That we should do things for others out of love. "When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that is a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that is a sign of selfishness..."
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you truly want whats best for your mate? Yes
- Do you want them to feel loved by you? Yes
- Do you believe you have their best interests in mind? Yes
- Do they see you as looking our for yourself first? No he knows my family comes before me.
WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND MONEY INTO WILL BECOME MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU. IT IS HARD NOT TO CARE FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE INVESTING IN, ALONG WITH RESTRAINING FROM NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUY YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I WAS THINKING OF YOU TODAY
Ok So i know i can do that but if he comes home tomorrow empty handed, i think i will scream. Seriously it will take all i have not to just walk out the door then. Because if he has nothing fr me that means he doesn't think this is serious or he really doesn't think of me during the day.
I was at Walmart so i bought him a fishing lure because he loves fishing and that area always reminds me of him.
The Love Dare, Day 2
Love is kind...
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you"- Ephesians 4:32
Kindness. Not only am i a very patient person but i am also very kind, at least to my husband. Right now I'm thinking that i will have no problem with this dare but he isn't going to last the 40 days. I feel bad for feeling like that, that kind of attitude isn't going to help my marriage...
Ok so Kindness can be broken up into 4 basic core elements: Gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative.
The book when speaking of kindness, references the story in the Bible about the Good Samaritan. What a nice fella that guy was. I hope that if i get confronted with a similar situation, i can do the same. Ok ok off topic, kindness...
It asks how would your husband or wife describe you on the kindness meter? well he once told me he only met one other person as kind as me, his mother. That was a big complement.
"It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
Dare for day 2:
IN ADDITION TO SAYING NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN TODAY, DO AT LEAST ONE UNEXPECTED GESTURE AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS.
Oops i didn't see that word up there. I guess he expects that i will make his coffee, make him breakfast, oh wait i rubbed his back, that must count! Ok well nothing yet, but i have notice that he is being nicer, I'm not sure if it is because he feels guilty for the way he acted yesterday, or that he feels guilty for never being around. Maybe its the book. Maybe he really read the day 1. :)
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you"- Ephesians 4:32
Kindness. Not only am i a very patient person but i am also very kind, at least to my husband. Right now I'm thinking that i will have no problem with this dare but he isn't going to last the 40 days. I feel bad for feeling like that, that kind of attitude isn't going to help my marriage...
Ok so Kindness can be broken up into 4 basic core elements: Gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative.
The book when speaking of kindness, references the story in the Bible about the Good Samaritan. What a nice fella that guy was. I hope that if i get confronted with a similar situation, i can do the same. Ok ok off topic, kindness...
It asks how would your husband or wife describe you on the kindness meter? well he once told me he only met one other person as kind as me, his mother. That was a big complement.
"It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
Dare for day 2:
IN ADDITION TO SAYING NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN TODAY, DO AT LEAST ONE UNEXPECTED GESTURE AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS.
Oops i didn't see that word up there. I guess he expects that i will make his coffee, make him breakfast, oh wait i rubbed his back, that must count! Ok well nothing yet, but i have notice that he is being nicer, I'm not sure if it is because he feels guilty for the way he acted yesterday, or that he feels guilty for never being around. Maybe its the book. Maybe he really read the day 1. :)
The Love Dare, Day 1
Love is patient...
"Be completely humble and gentle be patient, bearing with one another in love."- Ephesians 4:2
As i was reading this days entry, I couldn't help but have selfish thoughts. I am patient, but this morning he sure wasn't...bad Katie bad Katie.
'Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails...It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship, rather than bailing out under the pressure'.
The book says, "Can your husband or wife count on having a patient wife or husband to deal with? Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lecture?" Hmmmm.
The dare today:
THE FIRST PART OF THIS DARE IS EASY. ALTHOUGH LOVE IS COMMUNICATED IN A NUMBER OF WAYS, OUR WORDS OFTEN REFLECT THE CONDITION OF OUR HEART. FOR THE NEXT DAY, RESOLVE TO DEMONSTRATE PATIENCE AND TO SAY NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AT ALL. IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, CHOOSE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. IT IS BETTER TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.
Ok so the day is over and it was easy. I did get upset at him, but I didn't say anything, easy because i usually don't say anything when I'm upset. Plus I am very patient so voila!
"Be completely humble and gentle be patient, bearing with one another in love."- Ephesians 4:2
As i was reading this days entry, I couldn't help but have selfish thoughts. I am patient, but this morning he sure wasn't...bad Katie bad Katie.
'Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails...It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship, rather than bailing out under the pressure'.
The book says, "Can your husband or wife count on having a patient wife or husband to deal with? Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lecture?" Hmmmm.
The dare today:
THE FIRST PART OF THIS DARE IS EASY. ALTHOUGH LOVE IS COMMUNICATED IN A NUMBER OF WAYS, OUR WORDS OFTEN REFLECT THE CONDITION OF OUR HEART. FOR THE NEXT DAY, RESOLVE TO DEMONSTRATE PATIENCE AND TO SAY NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AT ALL. IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, CHOOSE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. IT IS BETTER TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.
Ok so the day is over and it was easy. I did get upset at him, but I didn't say anything, easy because i usually don't say anything when I'm upset. Plus I am very patient so voila!
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